There’s this thing that happens when I photograph a woman—something quiet but unmistakable.
She’ll walk into my studio with her hair curled, makeup set, and maybe a few nerves she’s trying to play off. We’ll chat about what she brought to wear, the music she wants to hear, and the moment that finally convinced her to book this. And then, little by little, something shifts.
She laughs more easily. She relaxes into the moment. She lets me see her.
And the thing is—she’s never not been beautiful. But so often, she doesn’t believe that yet.
That disbelief? That resistance to seeing ourselves with compassion? It runs deep.
And I get it.
Because I’ve been the woman double-tapping photos of confident, radiant strangers online while quietly picking apart my own reflection. I’ve done the mental gymnastics of trying to shrink myself into what I think I should be, instead of honoring who I already am.
So today, I want to talk about that.
Why are we so good at being kind to everyone else—but not ourselves?
And what would it look like if that changed?
The Inner Voice We Don’t Question
If your best friend came to you and said,
“I hate the way I look in everything.”
“I feel like I’m failing at everything.”
“I’m never going to be enough.”
You wouldn’t agree with her. You’d respond with care. With truth.
But when we say those things to ourselves, we rarely pause. We let that voice run wild—unchecked, unchallenged, and unkind.
Where did that voice come from?
It’s hard to say. Maybe it started in middle school. Maybe it was your mom’s offhand comments about calories. Maybe it was the dressing room mirror at that one store that never got the lighting right. Maybe it’s the curated highlight reels on Instagram or the marketing campaigns that quietly whisper, “you’d be happier if you just fixed this one thing.”
Whatever the origin, the result is the same:
We learn to talk to ourselves like we’re broken.
But here’s the truth.
You are not a problem to solve.
You are a person to care for.
Kindness Isn’t Weak. It’s Radical.
We’ve been conditioned to believe that “self-love” looks like spa days, glowing skin, and trendy affirmations in our Notes app.
But kindness? It’s not just aesthetic.
It’s active. Intentional. And, honestly, kind of rebellious.
Kindness looks like:
- Listening to your body when it says, “I’m tired.”
- Saying no without spiraling into guilt.
- Feeding yourself a real meal instead of cold coffee and stress.
- Moving your body out of love, not punishment.
- Speaking to your reflection the way you’d speak to your niece or your little sister.
It sounds simple, but it’s not always easy—especially when you’ve spent years rehearsing harshness. Which is why it helps to start small.
The Shift: From Critic to Companion
If you’ve ever thought, “I’ll be kind to myself when I finally lose the weight / get the job / fix my life…”
I want to gently invite you to flip that.
Be kind to yourself now.
Exactly as you are.
Because kindness isn’t the reward for growth—it’s the path to it.
One way I help women begin this shift is through a challenge I created—one rooted in stillness, reflection, and small acts of care. It’s not about changing yourself. It’s about returning to the parts of you that have always been worthy of kindness. (More on that in a minute.)
But first, a few ways to begin.
3 Simple Practices to Cultivate More Self-Kindness
- Practice Mirror Neutrality.
If “I love my body” feels like too big a leap, try this instead: neutrality. Stand in front of the mirror and say, “This is my body today.” Not good. Not bad. Just… present. Alive. Carrying you. - Catch and Question the Critic.
When you hear yourself thinking something harsh—pause. Ask: Would I say this to someone I love? If the answer is no, you don’t have to say it to yourself either. - Name One True Thing.
Each night, jot down one small truth about your day that has nothing to do with productivity or appearance.
“I made someone laugh.”
“I felt the sun on my face.”
“I kept going.”
That’s enough.
This Is Where the Challenge Comes In
If this post has you nodding—or crying, or both—you’re not alone. And you don’t have to figure this all out on your own.
I created the 15-Day Self-Connection Challenge as a gentle, guided way to come back to yourself.
It’s free. It’s email-based. And it’s designed for women who are ready to:
Quiet the noise of comparison
Reclaim small rituals of care
Feel more connected in their minds, bodies, and hearts
Each day, I’ll send you a short, thoughtful note. Some days it’s a journal prompt. Other days, a small act of care. It’s the kind of inbox support I wish I had when I was learning to stop treating myself like a project and start treating myself like a person.
You can start anytime. Just drop your email here to join.
And remember—
You are not behind.
You are not too much.
You are not the exception to compassion.
You deserve kindness—today, exactly as you are.
